Corporate Jargon Critic Gifts

"'Autonomy' is the new BUZZ word! We have to unleash our staff. Professionals like you need to be free to use your own judgement, manage your own workloads...use your initiative."

"We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontational verbal interfacing."

"You're all redundant."

You wanted to talk to me, minion? It's about my tips, boss. Oh, that. Mr. Trump says it's not ok for me to keep all your tips. So I'm doing that. But you've been doing that for 17 years. You told me it was the law 17 years ago. What I did, Rudy, was proactively facilitate enterprise architecture to converge best practices with forward compatible, associate-focused revenue stream. Now get out there and energetically cultivate client-based tips to incubate synergistic incentivizational end-to-end

Sweeping up word balloons of business jargon.

'Miss Hartley, implement me a coffee and a cheese danish.'

In shop window: Book titled 'The Best of Mumbo Jumbo'.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

"I kicked the idea of mowing the lawn into the long grass."

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

Terms and conditions on the mount

"Enhanced branding metrics drive robust solutions for scalable monetization of jargon."

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are the best team money can buy. Now LET'S PLAY BALL!'

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

'Before your 'routine' surgery, your manager would like to stop by and give you a 'routine' exit interview.'

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

"Herewith, we recommend the following: when you're up to your rear in alligators, it's worth remembering your original purpose was to drain the swamp...."

Digital Marketing

'Ms. Kravetz, find me a euphemism to describe this productivity gain somewhere between resource action and you're all fired.'

"That wasn't daydreaming; I was internalizing my goal targeted self performance metrics."

Clothiers. Suits - Shirts. The salesman uses a lot of business jargon. Welcome! You've done your due diligence. You already know we're a value-add operation here. Great synergies with the suit and accessories! And our tailor can right-size this for you. You'll be able to monetize the strategic acquisition of this suit via enhanced deal-making success! I don't want to "dress for success." I want clothes for repose. I think I have a great head for business but my body never wants to tak

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."