Corporate Critique Navigator Gifts

Organizational Flow Chart: Puppets

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

'That's our mission statement.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

"Uh-Oh..."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

Someone needs to tell him that having Churchillian leadership skills requires more than a 10'' havana