Company Bailout Anniversary Gifts

"Also, your wife called to remind you today is the tenth anniversary of your bailout."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

How leaders fail

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

Team Leader

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

Networking

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

The Salesman

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'