Company Bailout Anniversary Pillows

"Also, your wife called to remind you today is the tenth anniversary of your bailout."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

How leaders fail

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

Team Leader

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

Networking

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

The Salesman

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'