Anniversary Of Company Founding Pillows

"The first one was the hardest."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

How leaders fail

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

Team Leader

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Who called this meeting again?"

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

Networking

Dating is so expensive...

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

The Salesman

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."