Commuter Chuckles Gifts

"Fresh pepper? Fresh pepper?"

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Excess Baggage: Before starting your rental car, be sure the radio is turned all the way down.

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

Honey I'm Home

'Now do you believe me about every other driver on the road.'

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

65. Whenever I'm in the mood to watch the rest of the world go by, I simply keep to the legal speed limit.

Play Rush Hour

Metrocard error messages

King Commute.

"Baldo, you can't flip off people in a big city like this! You never know what kind of crazies are out there! What if they follow us home?"

'Elevator's fixed.'

"It's amazing how well they adapt to an urban environment."

Being vertically challenged, I never realized my dream of becoming a pro basketball player. But on a trip to work, it was just like I was a hoops star! I spilled some coffee when walking. I dribble whenever my feet are in motion. I took a selfie when I stopped at the ATM - it was a nice bank shot. Then as I neared the office, I came down the lane - and made an impressive display of driving and dunking. I should be getting a big shoe sponsorship contract any day now!

Metro North Entrance: Closed because it's broken.

"For your information, this 'stuff' happens to be my husband!"

"Fancy joining the mile low club?"

'Trouble is, I only want to wear them for cycling to work.'

Bus of Fools

'I'll fix you! But Good!'

'Yes, it's a six hour commute, but where else could we have this standard of living?'

'I was assured that this would be a double decker bus.'

"I get here at 6 a.m. and leave by 3 so I can beat the swarm."

"Excuse me driver, but your guard is stuck in the doors!"

Opera house to support

"Cockfosters!"

Getting the Finger

'Road Construction Updates. While you're on hold for the next hour, press 1 if you would like to listen to New Age Music, press 2 If you would like to listen to rap, press 3 If you would like to listen to country, press 4... '