Community News Gifts

Woman over garden fence: 'I've invented some new gossip I'd like circulating.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

Vista Acres - A tanned community.

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

"Thank you."

Which One is Pulling Out?

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"This neighborhood has a strong sense of community that borders on siege mentality."

"I'm starting to miss the summer people. It's been weeks since I glowered."

"Someday a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the street. But today, expect occasional sprinkles."

Up-to-the-minute reporting from our man on the street.

'It's a great, safe neighbourhood: The owner of the house is allergic to cats...'

'Does that mean things are getting better or worse?'

"And in local news, somebody pooped on the Jenkins' lawn again."

"Local shopping, local eating, and...I married the girl next door."

Find More Kids

"Cautious and considerate? Door on the left, one mask each. Selfish and ignorant? Door on the right, do as you please."

The Neighborhood at a Glance

'Honey! Hurry and help me bar the door! I saw a bunch of rowdy senior citizens in parrot masks down by the arena!'

"This isn't the caring way to treat those who disagree with you, Pastor Bob."

The Original Information Superhighway

"And, in suburban news, construction of the new, attached four-season solarium at 6870 Evercrest Drive continued amid the silent, seething envy of the neighbors."

Vikings trying to get in - "Calm yourselves the jumble sale doesn't start for another five minutes."

THE SMITHS/THE JOHNSONS

'I was so shocked when I was born... I couldn't talk for a year.'

"He's so bossy I call him Big Brother!"

Napa, Bellevue, McLeon

'Sorry Mr Wolf, but your neighbours have complained again about you 'marking' your territory...'

Frank's Butcher Shop. Ernie's Bakery. Starbux Coffee. It hasn't been the same since the candlestick maker went out of business.

'..Bert Higgins,O.A.P..'

"Things have gotten bad here. There's talk of a war with another gated community."