Communications Engineer Gifts

The iPhone268s

All day I design high tech communication devices...yet at a party I'm lost without name tags.

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

Dialogue

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

Changing Minds

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

Information...political rhetoric

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

Twitter censorship

Torturing the English Language

"'Grim Reapers' was considered too offensive, these days we're known as 'afterlife facilitators.'"

"Twitter is back! Hurry, hurry, get yer free speech here!"

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

"Miss Duxbury, put me through to someone."

'My ring-tone's inaudible to humans.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

"Have your people call my people."

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

'Who wants the talking stick?'

"We've been cancelled."