Communication Satirist Gifts

'I text message so I don't have to listen.'

'We get along so much better after I disabled the 'Comments' function of our relationship!'

'This is the interoffice phone system they installed over the weekend?'

Hermit on island can't escape modern society.

"I'm not listening to any radio program. I'm listening to my wife!"

"So no text? Nothing?"

'I hope you don't want to leave a message - he hates messages.'

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

'Since I upgraded my cell phone, my reception is so much better.'

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

The Proust of Twitter

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

The prying mantis,

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

Dawing your Cellphone

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"Now you can send it."

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

Social media and censorship...

"I'm after the history section."

'Twitter for goldfish.'

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

"Fact amnesty"

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

Inhospitality tent.