Communication Genius Pillows

"Let's stop this before we both say a lot of things we mean."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"National security adviser"

Create some buzz!

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

Letter Collecting Nerd

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

"'Original' to 'Carbon-Paper': Do you copy?"

Twitter censorship

'Let us pray...'

"Well, I've emailed, faxed, and phoned Dobson. Maybe I should just walk down the hall and talk to him..."

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

The Thinker. The Listener

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."

'How fast can you hype?'

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

'To make sure I get noticed I always talk in a big bold typeface.'

"Wow! That's some PowerPoint presentation."

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

The Horn of Unanswered Email

"Once you get over the three hundred and sixty eight texts it took to plan this, it really is nice to get together."

'My market doesn't understand me.'

"I can't believe you made it past our bitch receptionist."

There's a real disconnect going on here.

I'll put this in a way you'll understand: you need to transfer your feelings from savings to checking.

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

The Communicator