Common Sense Philosopher Pillows

"Your results are excellent and the quality of observed lessons was very high, however we're worried by an e-mail from Mrs Miggin's hairdresser who thinks you should teach 'a bit more common sense'. . ."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

'I don't know what all the fuss is about.'

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

''Science is nothing but trained and organized common sense' Thomas Huxley, 1825-1895.'

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"I've figured out why my life is boring."

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

Women

Who's Dead

"Sure I can't pop that in a bag for you, sir?"

Always a popular motive: Hunter and Prey.

'If only I could accept that I can't accept being someone who finds it hard to accept acceptance from those who accept me for the person that I can't accept I really am.'