Commonsense Connoisseur Pillows

Life Hacks

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

Men gossiping

"We evolved from asteroids"

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

S**t Threw a Goose

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

Sculptor's chippings

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

Moliere

C Day Lewis.

Scientist drinking night sky through telescope

White Wine Wisdom (2)

Charles Dickens.

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Coming Soon! Taco Sphere

Bleak House

'Your dilemma is fabulous. Imagine what a dramaturge could do with it.'

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'