Commercial Caper Gifts

'There you are dear - I was just telling Mr. and Mrs. Mumby about our little game of trying to have a bath during the commercials.'

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Monosyllabic Crisis Center

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

Where the Deer and the Antelope Play...

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

'You made me jump,'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

The ambush.

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

STRIP Hambone: This one's a great little number cruncher!

"Now that the playground's thawed, let's welcome back Mary Redmond, Sarah Turpin, and Hector D'Amico."

'The veterinarian made brushing his teeth sound so easy.'

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

Hungry rabbit attacking carrot nose of snowman.

'Keep an eye out for the cookie police.'

'I want you to hack into our competitor's computer systems and steal their recipe for apple crisp.'

'The house has been repossessed by the Devil ...'

'It didn't start out this way.'

A Cat is Kicked Out of A Yarn Shop.

Psychiatric Clinic. It's a very strange case of multiple personalities. He keeps trying to photobomb his own selfies.

"My dog didn't eat my homework. My husband did."

"Whoa! A little more than I anticipated. . . Can you give me a moment while I pop out to the bank?"

Servant boy caught with his mouth full of food

'I stole a guy's identity, but the dude had a longer rap sheet than mine!'

'Let's go home, boy. Ain't no ducks today.'

Another Bloody Cookery Show

'Fooling-around-with-strange-chemicals-during-a-break rota.'

'Your goalie is out with the flu, I'm a temp, ,,, So, what's the object of this little game'

Fridge Pirate

'Bertha loved the spa, except when she got soap in her eyes.'

'We're getting rid of that welcome mat starting today!'