Commentary Collector Gifts

'Bet you 10 thousand dollars, no make that 10 million dollars!...That I'm getting more Super-Pac campaign funding than you are!'

The New World Order

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Bert's dog training.'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"Eat me"

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Cake Free Zone

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

Easter Island Shades...

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

A watch face with Stonehenge

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

Vanna White: The Later Years.

Bathroom Fairy

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

'Forget worms. Think fast food.'

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

"I'm excited to get fixed at the vet, had no idea I was broken."