Comical Do-it-yourselfer Pillows

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'No it's still not fixed'

Dummies for Dummies.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

How to Build a Bungalow

Self Help: Get To Know Yourself/Get To Unknow Yourself

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

Wallpapering 4

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

'Don't tell me to watch my language! You give me this sort of quote, I'll give you this sort of quote!'

Nature Girl and the Four Elements.

'That must be the termite inspector.'

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

'Is that the trebuchet?'

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'I forgot to close the door?...Seriously? Who puts a door on a hole?'

'I just find it interesting. You remember everything except where your dirty clothes go.'