Comical Do-it-yourselfer Pillows

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'No it's still not fixed'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

Dummies for Dummies.

How to Build a Bungalow

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Self Help: Get To Know Yourself/Get To Unknow Yourself

Wallpapering 4

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Oh, yeah, we love having a walk-out basement.

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

'Don't tell me to watch my language! You give me this sort of quote, I'll give you this sort of quote!'

"Okay, maybe we should count assembling the exercise bike as your first workout."

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

Nature Girl and the Four Elements.

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

'Is that the trebuchet?'

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'That must be the termite inspector.'

"I'm charging extra to remove the duct tape you thought would work."

'I forgot to close the door?...Seriously? Who puts a door on a hole?'