Comical Clinic Visitor Pillows

Vending Machine in Alternative Medicine Clinic

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Now there's a vet that needs a holiday,'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'You've got lot toe!'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

'Who's your next of kin? When did you last eat or drink? Do you have any allergies? Are you wearing clean underpants?'

'Level with me, Doc — it's contagious, isn't it?'

"The reason you haven't seen me lately is because I haven't been well..."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

"The mood Disorders Clinic is three floors up, and then two floors down."

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

Nil By Ear

"Please have a seat over by the door, sir - We're looking for a volunteer to examine you."

'I know a skirt-blower would save time, but I don't thing the patients would like it.'

'Oh! How nice! An espresso machine!'

"Tick, tick, tick..."

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."

"Doctor Smith your 12:30 pain in the neck is here."

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

'I demand a second opinion!'

"A web search reveals that you've been consulting other doctors."

You have a low grade fever.

CLINIC, 'Are you worried about passing your blood test?', 'Heck, no -- anybody can BLEED.'