Quirky Clinic Visitors Pillows

"We try to diversify."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

Man leaves sperm bank. Woman says: 'Thanks, do come again.'

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

Quick! 5-second rule!

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"The reason you haven't seen me lately is because I haven't been well..."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."

"Doctor Smith your 12:30 pain in the neck is here."

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

'You're not my usual doctor.'

Obstetrician's office: Innies and Outies.

'Well, good morning Mr. Daniel, have a seat in our waiting room.'

St Berts - Britain's first open mouth surgery in progress.

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

'I'll be with you shortly, just keep worrying.'

Sewing for Dummies.

"With symptoms like yours, you could be the next Batman!"

Vending Machine in Alternative Medicine Clinic

"The doctor is ready to maltreat you now!"

'No, I'm not here to see the doctor-just the magazines.'

Man in hospital hitting golf balls into a bedpan.

"Yesterday it was the other side, but today the side effect is this side..."

"You're in luck. My speciality is symptoms that are just crazy."

"Dr. Lance will see you about your mole now."

"His baldness was way out ofcontrol, so we had to put him into a medically induced comb-over."