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'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

'I was abducted by aliens, but they wouldn't probe me because I didn't have health insurance.'

'How do you expect me to take a week off work - I haven't had a job in 10 years?'

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Grace For Flies

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

They're Not Just That Into It

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

Batman at the Maternity Ward

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

Fly Football

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'No ice.'

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

Pirate Squirrels Looking for Buried Treasure

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

They try, but those crows can't make noises they used to. The lost caws!

McMorkim's Cheeses Security A gang of mice wheeling in a giant mousetrap with Pizza and Beer as bait to a Security Guard's post hoping to gain access to a cheese Factory if the Guard is trapped.

"Don’t worry, this guy is totally cool. Just don’t mention the Red Baron."

Early photobombing

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'