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Dr. M.J. Pilkington Cosmetic Surgeon

"Leave it, it's probably some human."

"What can I do? Fuel prices are so high."

"Gee, I don't know...I guess if I had to choose between you I'd say Jerry's formula has the most hideous side effects."

'Company planning department'

Early versions of the new year's eve ball drop proved less popular among revelers,

Stroke...stroke...stroke...stroke...stroke...

It was a hot day, and at the last minute ha had decided not to wear his piano-resistant hat.

'C'mon guy. You know I can't serve miners.'

'Hi. Would you guys be interested in a Starbux franchise?'

Mayan Calendar: 'Chief says just take it 2012 that's when we will switch...'

"Of course nobody needs one, that's why I called the advertising people in."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

'Do it Bernie, what are you, some kind of larvae?'

'I meant bring your fishing tackle.'

Pollyanna in Hell.

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

'I said my hormones are playing up again! Why don't you pay attention?'

''Bye, honey...Go out there and knock 'em dead today!'

'Actually, we were hoping you guys would have the solution to all our problems.'

'Hi, I'm Incompetance! I wanted to join the rest of you guys but I can't ride.'

'The punishment continues until moral improves!'

"Pretty good, but you're still slicing. Shorten your backswing and start down with your left hip."

'Poor Oog ??" his wife invented imperative verbs.'

"By the time I got my race number it was over."

'Have you noticed spring's coming?'

'So Victoria, what's your secret?'

'He kept telling me to drive faster.'

When Billy-Bob returned from the gun shop, some idiot had parked so close he couldn't get into his car - for whar proved to be the last time.

'Sorry! I didn't know it was loaded.'

"Folks say this ain't sporting, but they don't factor in the alcohol."

"I'm the sovereign ruler of 50 million people and when I say 'SCRAM!' I mean 'SCRAM!"!!

A man with a happy face balloon is about to have it popped by Death.

'You're stampeding yourself! You're stampeding yourself!'