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Dr. M.J. Pilkington Cosmetic Surgeon

"Leave it, it's probably some human."

"What can I do? Fuel prices are so high."

"Gee, I don't know...I guess if I had to choose between you I'd say Jerry's formula has the most hideous side effects."

'Company planning department'

4 stages of Christmas

Early versions of the new year's eve ball drop proved less popular among revelers,

Stroke...stroke...stroke...stroke...stroke...

'C'mon guy. You know I can't serve miners.'

It was a hot day, and at the last minute ha had decided not to wear his piano-resistant hat.

'Hi. Would you guys be interested in a Starbux franchise?'

Mayan Calendar: 'Chief says just take it 2012 that's when we will switch...'

"Of course nobody needs one, that's why I called the advertising people in."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

Pollyanna in Hell.

'Do it Bernie, what are you, some kind of larvae?'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

'Actually, we were hoping you guys would have the solution to all our problems.'

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

''Bye, honey...Go out there and knock 'em dead today!'

'I meant bring your fishing tackle.'

'I said my hormones are playing up again! Why don't you pay attention?'

'He kept telling me to drive faster.'

"By the time I got my race number it was over."

'Poor Oog ??" his wife invented imperative verbs.'

"Pretty good, but you're still slicing. Shorten your backswing and start down with your left hip."

'So Victoria, what's your secret?'

'The punishment continues until moral improves!'

'Have you noticed spring's coming?'

When Billy-Bob returned from the gun shop, some idiot had parked so close he couldn't get into his car - for whar proved to be the last time.

'Hi, I'm Incompetance! I wanted to join the rest of you guys but I can't ride.'

'You're stampeding yourself! You're stampeding yourself!'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"I'm lactose intolerant, this guy is gluten intolerant, and the guy on the end is just intolerant."

"I'm the sovereign ruler of 50 million people and when I say 'SCRAM!' I mean 'SCRAM!"!!