Comic Strip Readers Pillows

'Remember I said almost anyone can learn to play golf, well you're the almost.'

"Never bring a wife to a gunfight. That's Day One stuff, guys."

'Thank God it's fry day'

Tuna funerals.

All of a sudden Xylon's UFO ran out of fuel

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

Grace For Flies

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

The Amazing Man-Spider

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

Pirate Squirrels Looking for Buried Treasure

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Please Drove Carefully.

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."