Comic Reader Pillows

Non-relaxation CD's for narcoleptics.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Collateral? Sure, I've got collateral. How about a boatload of misery, a house of pain and a suitcase full 'o the blues?'

The End is Nighish

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Working for me is like being married. Whatever you do, it'll never be good enough.'

'Doctor told me to take plenty of iron,'

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

"Here's the artist's conception of your proposed smile."

"You don't look like a Dave."

'I know that you have changed Irene, but I still think we can work things out.'

Vasectomy Clinic Waiting Room

"My teacher noticed you weren't at parent teacher night. She wanted to ask you why I never take an interest in anything."

"Granted it's not much of a superpower. But the flies seem to like it."

A large lady is exploring the jungle as two cougars watch on - 'Remember what the doctor said Ralph... regular exercise and no fatty foods!'

Fish snorkling above water.

'I'm Bored'

wattle covers

'You can't call it a miracle drug just because you added miracle whip!'

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

"He said if humanity can't get its act together he'll press CTRL-ALT-DEL and start all over!"

'I thought everyone knew William Tell's middle name -- its 'Don'tAskDon't''

'Showoff!'

Prize winning pig and farmer

My baby by day vs. my baby by night.

"I said New York Times...not Doggy Times!"

Martha Stewart is subjected to a body cavity search.

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

'Now this how you handle the end of summer...'

The missiles had failed...so it was down to Frank...and plan B.

'See? It covers glaciers, frostbite, and windchill. But it doesn't say anything about whether the Abominable Snowman and Frosty the Snowman are cousins.'

'Turn yourself in? Look lady, confess all you want - there is no law against eating peanuts.'

"I know this is a bad habit."

"I don't care what it says on the 'Chocoholics' website..."

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'