Comic Relief Detective Pillows

You know, Lance, you have an awfully foul disposition for a comic strip character. It's not my fault

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"Touché"

"Ever eat a bird?"

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

The First Printed Bible

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

"Trust me. Don't do it."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

A kid squirting gunk from an umbrella.

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

Dog Birthdays

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

'No no!! Not that one... The BIG one on the top shelf!!'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

“Rumor has it, it’s happy hour.”

"I don't know, what do you want to do today?"

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

Tourist in the desert

Break Glass in Case of Stress

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"What's this? Now we have to hunt, gather and collate?"

"I've changed my mind"