Comic Relief Captain Pillows

'Our office is on the 14th floor, Peters... you should forget about rising sea levels.'

'Your junkyard is well organized. How do you do it?"

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

"Oh my God, we forgot to bring the animals."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

In a cycle - one bucket out, one bucket in.

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Ever eat a bird?"

"Touché"

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"That's where the pain gets me, doc."

The First Printed Bible

"Trust me. Don't do it."

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

A kid squirting gunk from an umbrella.

Dog Birthdays

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

“Rumor has it, it’s happy hour.”

Break Glass in Case of Stress

'I love it when you cook - it lets me practice faking it.'

Tourist in the desert

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

When clowns run out ammunition.

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"I've changed my mind"