Comic Relief Chefs Gifts

Chef De Party.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

"What kind of sinker are you using?!"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

Break Glass in Case of Stress

'I love it when you cook - it lets me practice faking it.'

Tourist in the desert

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'I thought too many cooks spoiled the broth.'

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

'Would that be rare, or medium rare?'

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

Do you think I have a problem delegating?

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

Welcome to California. You may begin your Schwarzenegger imitation now

'20 of medical opinion may change every five years...but it wont be the 20 that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you.'

One more ring andBbob would set off the Solicitor Glove.