Comic Relief Chef Gifts

'I love it when you cook - it lets me practice faking it.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

The First Printed Bible

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

Chef De Party.

"More helium."

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

'I thought too many cooks spoiled the broth.'

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

'Would that be rare, or medium rare?'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

"It's a wheeble or some such thing, but still no sign of a deoderant."