Comic Dialogue Appreciator Gifts

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

Early photobombing

A huge shark is about to attack a small fishing boat and one of the guys is saying 'Listen... there's that creepy music again' as an orchestra of fish, crabs and an octopus play the theme from Jaws.

No Soliciting

'It's true what they say, you really can hear the sea in these things!'

"That's where we differ. You'd eat cat food, but I wouldn't touch dog food."

'Check out the old dude.'

"I'm heading north but these days it just seems easier to walk."

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

'All those in favor of requesting a government bailout, say 'Karl Marx'.'

When cockroaches go unchecked.

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

Cleaner dusting under man's toupee.

One Painting Says To the Other... 'Do you ever get that creepy feeling like they are watching you.'

'Bob, wait!!! Nice try, bear.'

Pea

Cat has birds on whiskers,

Downsizing.

"I'm afraid, Mr. Cottontail, that all that hopping down the bunny trail has taken a toll on your hips."

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

'Who's going to tell him he's been outsourced?'

A man runs on the water from a shark.

The Real March of the Penguins.

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with prostate!'

'Okay darlin' if you need more whipped cream just hit the red button.'

"Trust me to get the awkward one...!"

"I love this time of year."