Comic Dialogue Appreciator Gifts

Look at you. The vacant stare

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

Early photobombing

'It's true what they say, you really can hear the sea in these things!'

No Soliciting

A huge shark is about to attack a small fishing boat and one of the guys is saying 'Listen... there's that creepy music again' as an orchestra of fish, crabs and an octopus play the theme from Jaws.

"That's where we differ. You'd eat cat food, but I wouldn't touch dog food."

'Check out the old dude.'

tRUMp, Pirate President

"I'm heading north but these days it just seems easier to walk."

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

'All those in favor of requesting a government bailout, say 'Karl Marx'.'

When cockroaches go unchecked.

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

Cleaner dusting under man's toupee.

One Painting Says To the Other... 'Do you ever get that creepy feeling like they are watching you.'

'Bob, wait!!! Nice try, bear.'

Cat has birds on whiskers,

"This is crazy! We've been here only 10 minutes, we've spent all our money, and we've got nothing to show for it!"

Pea

Downsizing.

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

"I'm afraid, Mr. Cottontail, that all that hopping down the bunny trail has taken a toll on your hips."

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

'Who's going to tell him he's been outsourced?'

We'll have to reproduce fast to defeat the antibodies! I get it! Divide and conquer!

'Sorry'

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with prostate!'

"Trust me to get the awkward one...!"

The Real March of the Penguins.

'Okay darlin' if you need more whipped cream just hit the red button.'

"I love this time of year."