Comic Care Pillows

"Ok, here's another one about antibiotics. . ."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Jelly I.V.

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Orthopaedist

"I think we feed to many vitamins to Tweety"

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

Golf cart in the hospital.

"In hospital I received ten 'get well soon' cards...from the nurses."

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"Now where was I?"

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

"If it wasn't for my Hippocratic oath, you'd be dead by now."

"I'd like to request a transfer from the children's ward."

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"

Well, it's a heck of a time to demand a second opinion.

'Well, Mr. Swine, it looks like you pulled a hamstring.'

"Take one three times a day after meals."

'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'

'What's the problem?'

'You are supposed to hit the knee.'

A nurse Reports A Patient's Condition To The Doctor.

'Yes, I know I'm wearing dentures, but they're full of cavities.'

'Looks like a virus.'

'I had that for lunch!'

"Oops – I think that was a tan line."