Comic Care Pillows

"Ok, here's another one about antibiotics. . ."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Jelly I.V.

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

Quick! 5-second rule!

Orthopaedist

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

"I think we feed to many vitamins to Tweety"

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

Golf cart in the hospital.

"Now where was I?"

"If it wasn't for my Hippocratic oath, you'd be dead by now."

"In hospital I received ten 'get well soon' cards...from the nurses."

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

"I'd like to request a transfer from the children's ward."

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"

Well, it's a heck of a time to demand a second opinion.

"Take one three times a day after meals."

'Well, Mr. Swine, it looks like you pulled a hamstring.'

'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'

Pet Vaccinations Today.

'You are supposed to hit the knee.'

'What's the problem?'

A nurse Reports A Patient's Condition To The Doctor.

On-Call Room. This room is for the on-call surgeons. Operators are standing by!

'Yes, I know I'm wearing dentures, but they're full of cavities.'

...The decimal point was in the wrong place.

'Looks like a virus.'