Healthcare Comic Relief Pillows

European vaccine distribution

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

Orthopaedist

Calm down...this is for your own good.

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

Golf cart in the hospital.

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

"In hospital I received ten 'get well soon' cards...from the nurses."

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."

"If it wasn't for my Hippocratic oath, you'd be dead by now."

"Now where was I?"

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

Hospital Gift Shop

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

'For Valentine's Day!'

"You can have a local anesthetic or imported."

"Your husband's doing well, but we're going to need to keep him overnight because he's funny and I'm lonely."

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"

Arm puncture...

Covid Deaths

"Take one three times a day after meals."

Well, it's a heck of a time to demand a second opinion.

'Botched attempt is correct. But can anyone suggest a more family-friendly way of describing what happened?'

'Well, we finally figured out what the problem is...your warranty expired.'

"Lucky we caught it early. It's easier to treat in the larva stage."

'What's the problem?'