Medical Comic Relief Pillows

'He's smiling! -- You must have given him the wrong food!'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

The earlier, less publicized discovery of gravity by Corblatt.

Dog Birthdays

When Holy Cows Are Sent Out To 'Pastor'.

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

Tourist in the desert

Break Glass in Case of Stress

'The Neurosis Pack.'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'...Better clear my schedule too.'

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

Calm down...this is for your own good.

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

One more ring andBbob would set off the Solicitor Glove.

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

'I don't want bread crumbs. I'd prefer some money to buy a cheeseburger.'

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

Welcome to California. You may begin your Schwarzenegger imitation now