Comic Relief Surgeon Pillows

'Mind if I cut in?'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."

The First Printed Bible

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"Aren't we going a little overboard with Friday's casual dress code!?"

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Break Glass in Case of Stress

Tourist in the desert

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

Bureau of Missing Door Knobs

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

Gentleman, things are worse than we thought.

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

Calm down...this is for your own good.

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

"The economy's terrible. I can't find anything in my field." "What field are you in?"

One more ring andBbob would set off the Solicitor Glove.

Birdcage and Man cover their heads at nighttime.

'20 of medical opinion may change every five years...but it wont be the 20 that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you.'

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."