Comic Artist Gifts

New windmills to fight?

Never give a cow a giant straw.

Tony Hancock

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

Death as a dog walker.

'R.I.P. Van Winkle, just sleeping.'

Extra Long-jump

Tommy Cooper.

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

"No more cartooning, I'm afraid. You've got an irony deficiency."

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

Don't be frightened. The reason I'm not moving my lips is that I'm a comic strip character. I wish I could speak to you in the usual sense, but I'm afraid you'll have to read my word balloon instead. Uh-oh. I can see by the question mark above your head that this isn't going well. God, I wish I could stop smiling. ?

News. Daily $.50. I just realized all comic characters are two-dimensional. Yep -- We're just plane folks.

I'm not a snob in the usual sense. I don't mind if a guy is from the wrong side of the tracks, but I do mind if he's from the wrong side of the gutter. AS you know, the "gutter" is the term for the space between panels in a comic strip. ! !

He must be creating parallel universes.

Lance, what do you want your comic strip legacy to be? That I wasn't Dondi.

As a comic strip character, are you anatomically correct? Hey, thanks to Photoshop, I'm beyond anatomically correct!

He's an uninvited houseguest superhero. It's impossible to get him to leave! He has staying power.

"The hyenas started it."

Why are you shaking, Al. It's just the end of August. I'm not shaking � I'm having tech problems with my motion lines.

Any plans for a summer job, Axel? I thought I might try working in some other comic strip this summer. I read somewhere that real comics actually generate income.

"You've changed."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

True Crime: Sam's Murder Club!

"Have you figured out what the powers of that new super hero will be? How about the power to meet deadlines? That would be a good power?"

"Some creative criticism, hom: less Sophie Crumb, more Marjan Satrapi."

"Story boarding our next flight."

Later that same day.

Tuesday Never Comes

"That was brilliant. Never in all my life have I witnessed a squirrel chasing a dog!"

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

"Cash for clunkers 2.0"

"That's just the end of the panel, girl."

Comic Book Balloons

"That's one more reason not to like him."