Comfortable Bed Crusader Gifts

'I can't sleep a wink - it feels like someone's got their life savings under here.'

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

What the heck is wrong with people? These leftovers are perfectly good – and #5 plastics go in the recycling bin!

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

'I just invented the 'chair' - It relieves lower back pain!'

"You don't have anything planned for the next 196 years, do you?"

"I'd like an aisle seat, please."

Too many people post comments in the heat of anger. They strike while the ire is hot!

A man with a deflated bicycle stands in line at the tire inflator.

'This wasn't in the adventure brochure!'

Sure, it's just to find the royal remote, but a quest is a quest, Ernie!

'Well, I'm off to the crusades, happy mother's day!'

Grooming for beginners.

'I don't think Ed wants to make the crusades come alive for the kids. I think Ed is afraid of the kids.'

'There's a gleam in his eye!'

"I don't object to their right to roam, I just wish they would wipe their feet."

"Our forefathers died to give us our most cherished freedom. The fight to absolutely terrify every dog and cat in the land every 4th of July."

"It's been a great year except for me not getting any respect for my personal 'dressing for comfort' choice."

When the cats realized that Hubert had permanently taken over their favourite couch, they took action.

Modern Accomplisments

A housewife is looking at her dishwasher; the door is open, and looks like a drawbridge - men on horseback are emerging.

'I said what I thought, then I apologized when I started losing advertisers. What does that make me?'

Dog: If he hadn't wanted me to chew up the couch...

"I'm not comfortable talking about that either. Maybe if you had a couch."

Euro crisis: who's next?

This is progress - now we PAY the airlines $15 per bag to lose our luggage.

"I'm afraid my husband's just a very lazy old Trot."

"Doug here monitors any subtle changes in the ergonomics."

Traveling Lite...Flights.

Our drivers are safe, courteous and professional. Want to make something of it?

'I wish you had planned your retirement more carefully.'

Couple with corner of runway in their living room - "Bloody airport expansion..."

'Are you SURE this isn't a pre-existing condition?'

"Oh, so NOW you switch the captions off!"

'When I said 'topless' I meant the car.'