Comet Catcher Gifts

'Don't look at me - I didn't have anything to do with Tunguska!'

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

Pole Star

"He's a keeper!"

A word from James Cameron. . .

I can't believe school's starting back up, Ernie! Yeah. What happened to summer?!!! Well, Frank we played baseball, swam in the lake, visited cousins, picnicked in the park, drank lemonade, rode bikes, went to camp, played video games, ate s'mores, learned magic tricks, caught fireflies, hiked long trails, gazed at stars, made ice cream, rode rides at the fair, built sand castles, read scary books, camped in the yard, watched fireworks, ran races, flew kites, grew vegetables, did chores, wate

"Great, the end of the world and I'm going to be first on facebook with pictures!!"

"Did Yogi Berra ever say anything besides 'It ain't over till it's over'?"

'Steroids.'

'Alex we talked about this, you can't bring live things home from the lake. . . no buts, they don't want to leave the lake. Let your little friends go.'

Balk? Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk! Balk!

"I'm hoping we might get a crater named after us."

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

How to survive the coming crash.

"Idiot! I signaled for a sinker!"

'Well, is there someone with the aptitude to solve this kind of problem who didn't decide to become a hedge fund manager?'

"Delusional scientific elitist..."

The sudden extinction of prehistoric clowns explained.

'Psst - my wife works part time for the IRS!'

Shows Bundt

CPA. It looks like some of our clients might have tax problems this year. Halley's Comet files a return only once every 75 years. And the black hole seems to be hiding lots of income. Neither Pluto nor Mars can pay what they owe. Pluto's assets are frozen. And Mars isn't called the "Red Planet" for no reason. I think earth might be the only one getting a refund. Of course, it has billions of dependents!

'Thirty-two feet per second squared, eh? -- that should hold them for awhile!:

'Sorry, I already have a Comet!'

Astronomical observations.

"A comet rushes towards earth and will wipe us out? These stupid scientists and their scaremongering! If that's true I'll buy you a beer."

"You know, you're giving away my heater when you put on the oven mitt."

'So, no matter how bad things may look, you just have to say to yourself, 'Hey, it's not the end of the world!''

' I thought we had six fish in the livewell.'

Catching Coconuts.

Pentagon Science Contest: 'It's a planet-killing comet heading here, and only the military has the resources to secretly evacuate all the V.I.P.s and their families before it hits.'

"I'm sorry, but that one was too close to call."