Comedy Mastermind Gifts

'Are you gonna answer that?'

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"Gabe's in the Guitar Hero program at Juilliard."

'It's some more story ideas from Francis Bacon.'

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

"Mmm, processed food. Just like mom used to microwave."

"See - that's how he's able to write all those plays."

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

'Our financial troubles are over, Edna. The fellas and I have formed a boy band.'

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

'The curious incident of the dig in the night-gown.'

Elevator dilemma.

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

'Jim has writer's block, which we're all grateful for.'

Commercial music

Brainstorming!

"I told you streaking at Wimbledon was a terrible idea!"

"Welcome to Kickstarter."

'I told you not to do that. Now put it back.'

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

"How about this? The story of a little reindeer whose exclusion from reindeer games led to the study of math and science, enabling him to develop levitation tech and thus eliminate the need for flying reindeers, thereby consigning his early tormentors to

"I'll say one thing - you're full of surprises."

Of the seven, which dwarf do you identify with?

"There's good news and bad news. The good news is, I've made a generous contribution to your leaving present."

'I got to get home quick to hack the principal's email to my dad.'

"They say you're good with forgeries?"