Comedy Mastermind Gifts

'Are you gonna answer that?'

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"Gabe's in the Guitar Hero program at Juilliard."

'It's some more story ideas from Francis Bacon.'

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

"Mmm, processed food. Just like mom used to microwave."

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

"See - that's how he's able to write all those plays."

'Our financial troubles are over, Edna. The fellas and I have formed a boy band.'

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

Eager to pull a prank on his chiropractor, Dennis taped a bag of potato chips to the small of his back.

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

"I want you to leave here today with a message of joy!..."

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

The Staff Meeting.

'Forget Normal infections, it's so last year! I put some crazy stuff on youtube and instantly, it went absolutely viral!'

Elevator dilemma.

'The curious incident of the dig in the night-gown.'

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

"Welcome to Kickstarter."

Brainstorming!

'Jim has writer's block, which we're all grateful for.'

"I told you streaking at Wimbledon was a terrible idea!"

Commercial music

'I told you not to do that. Now put it back.'

Of the seven, which dwarf do you identify with?

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

"I'll say one thing - you're full of surprises."

"How about this? The story of a little reindeer whose exclusion from reindeer games led to the study of math and science, enabling him to develop levitation tech and thus eliminate the need for flying reindeers, thereby consigning his early tormentors to

David Lean

"There's good news and bad news. The good news is, I've made a generous contribution to your leaving present."

"I have mess recognition. I show my messy room and my phone knows it has to be me."