Comedy Court Attendee Gifts

"Objection!"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Gary turns 40.

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

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'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"The court granted me a new identity!"

'Oh, objection, objection, objection - what is it this time, Counselor?'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Baby's first words.

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"I didn't consider it hacking. I thought of it as getting a sneak preview of their content."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

'Judge Mental.'

"Let's take in a trial."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'Oh sure, Your Honor, he can speak. He's using sign language ...

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."