Comedy Chaser Pillows

Men watching TV, shouting close him down.

'You idiot, Martin, you don't need those silly glasses to get an amazing 3-D effect. . . this is a PLAY!'

'I could have sworn it was the cavalry!!'

Clown Skis.

Poor Waldo - another promising relationship has had it...

"You're wasting your time, I'll never understand which one is Liam Hemsworth and which one is Chris Hemsworth."

"He's actually leaving a review, the ungrateful little sod!!"

"Hi sarge, I think we got our arsonist!"

"How many do I need to get wrong to win the glasses?"

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

"Hey man, did I step on your foot a minute ago?"

"Dr Wilson, are you sure your eyesight's okay?"

Cutting the Grass

Man at vets with his pet birds head stuck in a kettle

'I think I've got measles.'

'It's just like playing at Wembley.'

"Can you check the filter? I think it's clogged with dog hair."

'Jerry! That bus you just cut off says 'Olympic Archery Team' on the side!'

Lonely leg syndrome!

Honey, can you see the Olympic Village from up there?

'By Jove, you're no more surprised than I am! I was certain we were on the trail of a fox.'

"The ticket's for having a cooler bike than me."

"If there be any gay or lesbian characters remaining inside this TV set to whose true sexual orientation we have not yet been alerted, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

A scene from the upcoming The Taking of Pelham 4-5-6.

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Don’t worry, this guy is totally cool. Just don’t mention the Red Baron."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

Critisize your weight.

"This is so fun - I've been wagging my tail so much my cheeks hurt!"

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

When clowns are hunting.

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."