Comedically Unemployed Pillows

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

"Victims of out-sorcery."

'So far more education hasn't helped me get a job. I think I'll get some student loans and get some more education.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"I'm sorry, Davis, but your face no longer fits."

"Well, YOU tell personnel you need every winter off and see if you get a job!"

"What fly?"

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

America's Biggest Export...

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

"Even after all that's happened, I feel no less regal."

"It's time to end the suffering."

Two bored males hanging out on a tatty sofa.

'I'm beginning to see some change in you.'

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

"I'm no longer cleaning my whole apartment. . . Just the 'Zoom Zone.'"

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

"Right now, I'm between naps."

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

Clown Firing Squad.

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

'Can you dance?'

A Temporary One Day A Year Job Is Not Enough, I Want A Permanent Job!

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'