Comedic Applicant Pillows

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

"What fly?"

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

How cats see their home

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

Clown Firing Squad.

Flying Ear Specialist

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

Alexander Graham Bell receives his first telephone call.

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

'That's the last time I ask Janice to book the stripper for the office party.'

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

Devils in hell bang on the ceiling as the angels upstairs are being too noisy.

'Aaaaaah! Kenny's fallen in! Don't make eye contact! Play dead, Kenny! Play dead!'

'Achoo! I can't believe I'm allergic to sand. I bet this doesn't end well...'