Comedically Inclined Travelers Gifts

'Actually, when the travel agent suggested a heavenly vacation, I expected Tahiti or Hawaii.'

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

Airport Security.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Car carrying bikes, biker carrying car.

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

"How can we get away from it all if you're bringing it all with you?"

Touring Holidays - On the P***

"What fly?"

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

Mexican Dog

A cow is trying to hitchhike away from the slaughterhouse.

Clown Firing Squad.

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

'That's the last time I ask Janice to book the stripper for the office party.'

Pinocchio on a date: "Before this goes any further, you should know that I've got fungal rot."

'Aaaaaah! Kenny's fallen in! Don't make eye contact! Play dead, Kenny! Play dead!'

'Achoo! I can't believe I'm allergic to sand. I bet this doesn't end well...'

'Dr Phil sez, if I'm gittin' the milk for free, I should do the right thing and marry her!'

Doctors' Tour

Last day of school.

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

'Next year we're going where our luggage goes!'

Devils in hell bang on the ceiling as the angels upstairs are being too noisy.