Comedically Inclined Philosopher T-Shirts

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Biofelineism

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"To be or not to be."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Zoo: No Hunting.

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Keep repeating to yourself: I am a high flyer, I will not dive for the salmon.'

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

Monkey Business College

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"What fly?"

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"