Comedic Thinkers T-Shirts

"Wver notice if you speed-read these cave drawings you invent animation?"

Agnostics Society: Absolute worst place to ask for directions.

"How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

'Well, obviously if I'd known car tax was going to go up I'd have bought a more sensible vehicle.'

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

"Tia Carmen! Look! I invented a way to keep socks together in the wash! Come...let me show you!"

We live in a cancel culture? Somebody needs to tell this magazine's subscription department.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Zoo: No Hunting.

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

X-RAY

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

Monkey Business College

Tree growing

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

"Great pet, but we should have given him less energy."

"What if we don't like their country personas?"

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"