Comedic Scholars T-Shirts

SOCIOLOGY 101, 'I think I preferred the old 'true or false' tests to these new 'politically correct or politically incorrect' ones.'

"I gave permission for you to Skype my class, not skip it."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

Monkey Business College

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

Pop up begger.

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

Tree growing

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"