Comedic Thrill Lover Pillows

"Do you think your husband is on to us?"

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

On the brink.

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Isn't this fun?"

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

Memorable Travel Adventure: 'I was in Florida, and on a whim, decided to wrestle an alligator.'

"The back flip was a nice touch."

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

Janet Leigh

The Great Maldini and his Venomous Snakes

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

"Is it me or are the obstacle courses getting harder?"

Lemmings jumping off a cliff and one has a parachute.

"Let's just enjoy our holiday. The whole incident with your stalker is over now. We won't see him again."

'I'm not trying to take away from the fact that you are a twisted, brilliant genius. . .but what is with the size of this bloody forehead?!?'

Pinata Crime Scene Investigation.

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

'I didn't even know the carnival was in town!'

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

Knife-thrower.

Juggler at Venice Beach.

"Good news, honey - I've been fired. We're rich."

'Trading stocks from home just wasn't cutting it for me anymore.'

'So I finally got cable.'

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

Zombie scout issues

Going on a fox hunt.

'I'm here to read the meter.'

'See, Dear? Flying upside down isn't as dangerous as it looks.'

'Don't be a hero, Dewey! It's a snowboarder - and he's huge! Let's get out of here!!'

"What did you expect from a budget airline?"