Comedic Sense T-Shirts

'Meet my 'Soccer Mom' and 'Basketball Dad'.'

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Get crazy once in a while

'Well if I'm so 'bloody useless' perhaps you'd better read the map!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

"Maybe what she really wants you to do is rub her tummy."

'Keep repeating to yourself: I am a high flyer, I will not dive for the salmon.'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

I'm getting old, I spotted a couple of brown hairs among the punk.

X-RAY

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Well, given that you have three broken ribs, laughing is bound to be painful...'

'I can't understand how those burglars could clean out our house so quietly.'

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

Monkey Business College

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"If Einstein is correct, when we get back, my car will have been double parked for 320 years."

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

"It's our latest celebrity scent, it's called Elon Musk. It smells like money!"

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

"Great pet, but we should have given him less energy."

"It's nice to see you expressing yourselves, but what you need to focus on what's good for the whole group!"

The next step in human evolution was homophilanthropist.

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

I think of "The Fusco Brothers" as a modern-day "Bonanza." Only instead of four cowboys, we have four bums, and instead of a cook named Hop Sing, we have a wolverine named Axel. Is there a term for this fantasy? "Ponderosa Nervosa."