Comedic Scene Appreciator Pillows

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

'On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how attached are you to the cat?'

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

"Any luck"

'I think the new exercise ball we got the hamster is too big...'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

A truck full of radioactive waste with no particular place to go...

"I brought popcorn..."

Eskimo in Igloo

'He doesn't like to be called an Optometrist. He prefers the title 'Visionary'!'

"What makes you think I'm pregnant?"

Hmmm, this reminds me...your mother called last night.

"I know I encourage employees to take initiative, Tom... but I think you should change that back!"