Comedic Reveler Pillows

"I don't mind the drunk and loud and obnoxious. It's the inevitable Motown medley that makes me cringe."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

'A is for Arse.'

You're the olive in my martini

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

Examination.

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

"The back flip was a nice touch."

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

Jenga!!!

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

A man walking a bowling ball is about to walk into a woman walking a bunch of bowling pins

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

Has he been smoking dope? Of course, how else do you think we get off the ground?

"Good news, honey - I've been fired. We're rich."

I think we're alone now!

"You've reached Randy, the Dating Doctor. What ails you?...."

"Did you watch the super bowl?"

1619: Valentine's Day

"Sorry, my mum asked me to babysit my brother at the last minute..."

'Well, how many pints do you weigh?'

"When he thinks back about this years from now, he'll only remember the good probes."

'We can learn a lot about motivation for sports psychology.'

"Yes, I tried tapping on the glass."