Comedic Reveler Pillows

"I don't mind the drunk and loud and obnoxious. It's the inevitable Motown medley that makes me cringe."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'A is for Arse.'

You're the olive in my martini

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

Examination.

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

"The back flip was a nice touch."

The Swiss Arm-y Wife

Jenga!!!

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

A man walking a bowling ball is about to walk into a woman walking a bunch of bowling pins

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

"You've reached Randy, the Dating Doctor. What ails you?...."

I think we're alone now!

Greek Gods New Years. It's another fun new year's eve up here! Yeah, everybody is getting ready for the big moment. Zeus is preparing a thunder and lightning show to ring in the new year. And Aphrodite is pairing off couples of the new year's kiss. It's great up here, but it'll be a rough start to the new year down on earth. Why? At midnight Atlas will drop the ball!

"Good news, honey - I've been fired. We're rich."

Has he been smoking dope? Of course, how else do you think we get off the ground?

"Did you watch the super bowl?"

"I'm just doing this until I can break into accounting."

1619: Valentine's Day

'Well, how many pints do you weigh?'

"Sorry, my mum asked me to babysit my brother at the last minute..."

"While we wait for the jury to deliberate, I thought you could use a little light reading."

"When he thinks back about this years from now, he'll only remember the good probes."

'We can learn a lot about motivation for sports psychology.'