Comedic Relief In Chaos Pillows

"Thanks, but can we hurry it along? I'm going to be late to my hoarders therapy session."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Who's got the hammer?"

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Breast Height Chart

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

Pessimists v Optimists.

'What makes you think no-one understands you?'

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

Biological Alarm Clock.

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

"If you'll excuse me fellas. I have to see a man about a dog. Specifically-this dog."

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'

'The pain in my head always seems to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet!'

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

'... and then he slammed the door in my face...'

Pirate Paddle Boat.

"I guess I'll never understand women."

'Will you tell the dog I live here!'

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

"You keep him busy while I go for help."

'Until you remember where you put the ladder, be quiet!'