Comedic Chaos Appreciator Pillows

'Do you have an appointment, sir?'

'I guess there was a typo on the job order. It was supposed to read 'mow the lawn, not plow the lawn.''

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

'Let go of that balloon right now!'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Marm doesn't understand, 'I've got it, I've got it'.'

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Well for crying out loud, why didn't you do that when I asked you?!!'

"With one wrong turn, Sparky's big adventure became a nightmare."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily..."

Man is attacked by sea creature.

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

'Dude, I got the rest of the day off, so I'll be able to go riding after all!'

"Walter had an attack of road rage in the driveway."

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

Miracles on 34th Street.

'Until you remember where you put the ladder, be quiet!'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

'Maybe if you cut off an ear it would look better.'

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

'On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how attached are you to the cat?'

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

'Why can't you order ravioli or pizza?'

The terrible 2's. It was an awful stage.

"This sub tastes much better with some traffic jam."

'Have you got to have a Gimmick.'

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

New migrating patterns may result in some interruption of services.