Comedic Ranter Gifts

Tuesday is drunken rant night. The noncommissioned officer is the backbone of this man's army!!!

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

'They're right.polorized sunglasses do help you see better underwater.'

Runner going through hurdles.

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

Jumble Sale

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

'I think I'm just coming up to the finishing line, Dear.'

Tonight's Lecture: Your share of the national debt. That explains my credit rating.

Jeff makes some nice jugs.

Sweet Jailbreak

'I want a refund! It refuses to go into my son's room!!'

Rollercoaster police chase.

Man fights with his shadow.

"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

Heaven on the Phone to Hell - 'We've got Sky.'

'Me' Weekly

Shooting in Ireland

20 Volts for Wavy Hair, 50 Volts for Frizzy Hair, 100 Volts for Curly Hair and 500 Volts for Hair beyond description.

'You didn't train for this marathon, did you?'

'Anyone want to learn how to do a leg sweep? How about a roundhouse kick? it's ok, your parents know who I am!'

Model's aspirations

"I like to be disciplined about my writing, sharpening my pencils and organising my desk in the morning which leaves me time for writers block after lunch and a nervous breakdown in the evening."

'...explain to me again why you are burying the shoe you threw..'

"When dealing with Americans, refer to the heat in Celsius. They hate that."

Figure Skating: Dee Thumble,

'It's a midlife crisis - he doesn't know anyone with a vacation home that he can mooch off.'

"Plan B was to supplement my retirement income as a party clown, and that brings me to my loan application."

"I heard this pond is full of big bass!"

'I barely got a shot off on this big fellow.'

Drunken Ass

"I'd like to take things slow, Al, so instead of a goodnight kiss I'm going to poke you a few times with this stick."