Comedic Playwright Gifts

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

Zombie standup

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

Aw, geez, is my fly down again? Why Superman started wearing his underwear over his pants.

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

America's funniest election gaffes

Note Book

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

'Bront?saurus.'

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

"Cliff's really devoted to his art. He'll wait hours for someone to take a shot to the groin."

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

Soldiers' Ego

Old Joe was determined to reach the summit as he'd left his false teeth up there last week!

'This is okay, but my ambition is to be an automatic teller.'

"Can you sign this copy I downloaded off the internet?"

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

I hear you're sending Rudy to a clandestine meeting with Russian agents for the purpose of coordinating the blackmailing of the American president. What?! I am not! What ever gave you such an outlandish idea? I overheard Rudy asking Siri "How do I say 'hello' in Russian?" That proves nothing. Then he said "Siri, how do I say 'my boss wants your boss to blackmail our president' in Russian?" That could mean anything. Then he said "Siri, how do I say 'that means exactly what it sounds like it means

Yep, I started out as a dog groomer.

'This is the vineyard the US government started 10 years ago, with $2 billion and a staff of 1,500. No wine yet, but I hear they've nearly got a slogan.'

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."